Domestic violence is much more common than many people realize. In fact, some studies have shown that as many as 35% of women and 28% of men have been exposed to physical violence or rape by an intimate partner.
While some of these victims may want to escape their relationship, doing so can be terrifying. While there’s the lingering threat of physical harm, in most abusive relationships the abuser controls the couple’s finances. Therefore, the thought of leaving a domestically violent relationship also creates financial fears.
But if you’re in one of these relationships, then you need to find a way out to protect yourself and your children. It may not be as easy to do as you hope, but that’s why in this post we want to give you some ideas for how to effectively divorce someone who has subjected you to domestic violence.
Tips for escaping a violent marriage
Even though you may feel powerless to escape your marriage, there are concrete steps you can take right now to position yourself for a successful exit. They include:
- Developing an escape plan: Telling your spouse about your intent to divorce can trigger a violent outburst. That’s why it’s a good idea to come up with an escape or safety plan so that you don’t have to interact with them face-to-face. Familiarize yourself with your spouse’s schedule so that you know when you can leave without them seeing you, and be sure to have a safe place to go once you leave. Talk to your attorney about what to do with your children before removing them from the residence so that you don’t put yourself in a bad position when you have to argue over custody later on.
- Collecting evidence: Demonstrating that your spouse is an abuser can be powerful in your divorce case, especially when you’re dealing with custody matters. So, start gathering evidence that shows that your spouse has abused you. Take pictures of any injuries that you suffer, retain text messages indicative of controlling and violent behavior, and talk to those who have witnessed the abusive behavior. You can also call in police reports when domestic violence occurs, which will create a paper trail of all the times you’ve been abused.
- Protecting your financial well-being: When you leave your spouse, you’re going to need financial support. That can be hard to find when you’ve been reliant on your spouse for so long. But before you leave them, you can start building an emergency fund in an individually owned bank account, or you can accumulate cash. If you have a bank account, make sure you change your PIN number to ensure your spouse can’t access it.
- Gathering important records: Once you leave your spouse, it might be hard to return to obtain documents that you need. So, before you leave, gather key records that you may need going forward, including birth certificates, Social Security cards, medical records, bank statements, real estate documentation, and proof of income.
Have a plan heading into your divorce from an abuser
Making the decision to get divorced can be tough under any circumstances, but it can be downright terrifying if you’re being abused by your spouse. But you can and should stand up for yourself and advocate for the freedom you deserve. Although that can be scary to think about, you can find support and protection from the legal system and those closest to you. So, if you’re ready to learn more about what you can do to protect your interests, then now is the time to start developing your divorce strategy.